The thing not related to Trump that you wanted to read on the internet today.
You can’t tell a story without a preface. That face needs to be masked and you need to make sure you get far away from people. Be alone. Hide your face.
Hope that serves as a sufficient reminder that we’re still in a pandemic (I don’t know why people say ‘middle of a pandemic’ — they don’t know, you don’t know, I don’t know) — let’s move on.
It’s that time of the year when the year is about to end and you’ve said it to at least five people, “I can’t believe it’s almost November.” You’ve probably been juggling parenthood, loneliness and different sized screens, sharpening non-existent culinary skills, and beautifying the background that shows on your video conferences so people have other things to stare at when you’re speaking. Maybe you’ve realised that no matter what conversation you have about how you performed at work through these months, keeping your phone’s battery charged at all times and your children alive (in that order) is far more important. But maybe you don’t have children. In that case, keep your Kindle, iPad, and other things you bought with the money you didn’t spend on Paw Patrol swag, a 100% charged. Maybe you haven’t realised this. And in case you haven’t, I will remind you. Just like I will remind you that coronavirus, dengue, plague, hairline fractures, all still exist.
I have a short list of tips and tricks that work very well for when you want to numb yourself. Not the drugs with Pink Floyd playing in the background kind of numb — that’s so pre-pandemic. You’re alone and masked anyway, how much worse can it get? This is the kind of numbness that makes you feel alive. You take control and you thrive. It’s best if you try this stuff out in a conversation with a manager/teacher/superior…anyone responsible for ‘your progress and development’ on paper.
This is not a BuzzFeed list so it won’t have numbers and memes. It won’t cater to short attention spans. It’ll be very hard to figure out the point of this entire thing. It’s not my job to make it easier for anyone to do anything. But I can tell you that if you’re into poetry, try this new brilliant piece of art by Major Lazer so it’s easier to follow along. Sarcasm is so easily lost that I’ll have to spell it out. I’m only kidding. Don’t listen to it. Don’t do anything that kills more than what’s already dead and gone — in this case, music.